I saw you staring out over the blue and bushy earth
under a lamp post burning dim and yellow when
i slid across the opal sky in june. i spun and zang like a rocket down
like a spark from dusty shadows on the moon.
Like a spark from dusty shadows on the moon i
darkened, twinkled, -saw the crushing weight below the clouds-
the tight box houses crunched tiny corridors and frowns.
so cold it must be there, blown about by wind by wind and drenched by rain and washed out by rain 'till nobody has color anymore.
And nobody has color anymore. like dried up
vines that wrap around a tree and
died
while killing.
--that is the most natural thing--
So i saw you wispering wishes at the sky
--that is the most natural thing--
trusting in the wind to carry them high
out of your own orbits up to me and i
might carry them to god
i might
but god
let me tell you something boy -i've been there-
let me tell you god spoke once
in long and dusty tones and now
there's you
under a lamp post
and there's me up in the sky
and there's you under
a lamp post and
me up in the sky
The flow of this piece was awesome. At first, I wasn't so sure what I was getting myself into (the normal skepticism when approaching a new poem), but by the end I didn't even realized that I finished. I had to re-read it.
The only thing, and I'm not sure if it was intentional, but the lack of capitalization for words such as 'I' and 'June' and words that start a sentence caused me to balk a bit. They seemed a bit distracting in a poem that followed so well.
totally amazing!!! your imagry is just superb!!!
Luisa xoxo
The only thing, and I'm not sure if it was intentional, but the lack of capitalization for words such as 'I' and 'June' and words that start a sentence caused me to balk a bit. They seemed a bit distracting in a poem that followed so well.
But good work!